it is now 4 am on april first and i find my mind swimming. today is my sisters birthday,,she died in 2000, and wouldve bben like 35 today. she died before we really even had a chance to get close.my mom and dads anniversery is today. they wouldve been married for like 20 something yrs (if she had'nt died i mean) for the last few days all i seen to think about is my mom. was there something that couldve been done to prevent her death? does she know i miss her, and need her so much? i find myself going through some things, where her advise would be really useful. i went to her to talk about everything. and now she isnt here, and there is no substitute. Yes I am surrounded by friends and family that care, but none that no a thing about me really, atleast not about my thought processes.and it would take too long to explain myslf really. my husband loves me as i do him, but all he can do to console me is hold me and remind me that life will go on as it always seems to in times of crisis. but like i said even then all i think about is how mom wouldve delt with a situation like this. where although there are tons of people that have my back, sometimes it feels like i have no where to turn. i know im repetative, but for those of you that are keeping up with my posts you must like it, cause you keep coming back (hehe) I dont know maybe things will seem different in the morning when i wake up. good night all, ill write soon.
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